Offering Choices

By Wayne Russell

By offering choices to children you are sharing control. Shared control leads to happier children and parents. Now, both choices must make you "deliriously happy." Do not offer one choice you like and one that you don't particularly prefer.  Children will quickly sense which choice you don't like and will inevitably go with it (Fay & Funk, 1995).

Here are some examples of simple choices that will influence a child's cooperation and self-esteem:

• "Do you want to put your coat on or do you want to carry it with you?" 90% of the time, our daughter will quickly put on her coat when she feels how cold it is outside.
• "Do you want blueberries or strawberries in your oatmeal?" She always choose blueberries. Even if you know what your child will most likely choose, still have fun with offering choices and sharing control.
• "Do you want me to pick up your toys or do you want to pick up your toys?" If Daddy or Mommy end up having to pick up the toys, the toys go into "toy jail" for a few days. (Usually appropriate for 2 1/2 years olds and older.)
• "Do you want to go to your room with your feet touching the ground or not touching the ground?" Our daughter is very familiar with this one and usually chooses to walk by herself.

Now, when you really need to make a call on something without giving your child a choice, you can say something like, "I usually give you lots of opportunities to choose and make your own decisions, right? I do, don't I? Now it is my turn to make a choice. I need you to..." Giving choices throughout the day lessens kickback when you have to make a tough/quick decision.

Offering choices sends three clear messages:
1.) I respect you.
2.) You are able to make choices that are in your best interest.
3.) You can think for yourself.

Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours!

Cheers!
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