Wise parents

Does whining work?

Spring has sprung here in Shanghai. Winter clothing has been packed away and new spring/summer clothes line the closets. For our daughter Livia this is the first night a nightie is worn instead of long winter pajamas. This change is however not welcomed. Livia wants pants. Not because it is cold, but because she has worn pants for the last four months. "Why change now?" she protests.

As I write this, Livia is whining in her bedroom, "I want pants. I want pants." Like other children, she can repeat a sentence like this a hundred times or more until she finally falls asleep (Last night the 15 minute whine was about her having one less blanket).

So, as a parent what are our options as we sit here in our bedroom?
1.) Try put up with the whining for a few minutes but then rush into her bedroom and give her some pants.
2.) Go in and remind her that it is warm enough for no pants. "You won't be cold."
3.) Try to ignore it.

What is a pro and con of each choice?
1.) If we give her what she is whining about, we send the message: WHINING WORKS.
2.) If we remind her of the futility of her request: THE WHINING WILL MOST LIKELY BE EXTENDED. There is no benefit in reasoning with a whining child. No one, including adults, can think clearly and logically in an emotionally-charged situation.
3.) If we choose to ignore it we teach: BEGGING AND WHINING ARE NOT EFFECTIVE TOOLS.

Livia was sound asleep within 20 minutes. Writing this helped me ignore it.

Making it a great evening,

Wayne

iDad

Sleepless in Shanghai

"What time does your child go to sleep?" This is becoming my new favorite question here in Shanghai. It is common place to hear children playing down at the playground at 9:00 p.m. and to run into young families around town with their small children out late at night. 

Image credit: thelowkeys.com

Tonight while waiting in line at an ATM, we started talking to a couple with a 3 or 4 year old boy who attends preschool from 8:30 a.m. to 5:00/6:00 p.m., Monday through Friday. I asked whether he took a nap today at school. His mother sadly replied, "No, not today." A few questions later I asked the mother when their son goes to bed. "Well, because he didn't nap today, probably between 9:30 and 10:00."

WOW! This is completely foreign to us. Our daughter goes to bed at 7:00 p.m. when she HAS a nap and around 6:00 p.m. if she does not nap.

One thing we know is that when our daughter has enough sleep, she is a much happier child. And a happy child makes for happy parents. When she doesn't get enough sleep she is moody and fussy which normally results in some poor choices.

What are your thoughts on children and sleep?

3 reasons for success

Child : "I can't do it. It's too hard."
Adult :"Aren't you glad I don't believe that?"

This is one of my favorite lines for when a child believes they cannot do something. A primary purpose of a child's education is to teach them that successful people are not born successful. Success normally comes through persistence, hard work, and a never-give-up attitude.

Here is a simple way to teach and reinforce the attributes of a successful person.

When I taught I created a large poster for our classroom that read:

REASONS FOR SUCCESS

• I've been practicing.
• I worked hard.
• I kept trying.

When I would walk around the room to monitor learning, I would simply stop by a student's desk and point to a question or task that they had done well on. I would not say anything. When I had introduced the poster and it's concepts, I explicitly taught students that when I stopped and pointed at their work, it would mean that they need to identify which one of the three reasons for success they think had resulted in them doing good work. Without saying anything, I was asking, "Why did you get this right?" Although I was silent, the student would reply verbally with one of the three reasons.

This simple activity reinforced and recognized a student's persistence, hard work, or never-give-up attitude.

High-achievers believe that EFFORT results in their successes, NOT luck.
With something to think about,

Mr. Russell

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Pick up a copy of any Love and Logic parenting resource. You will not be disappointed!  We enjoy this one.

Driven by love

 

When we discipline our children, what motivates us? Discipline must be motivated by LOVE, not anger. During the process of discipline you want your child to know and understand that you love him/her too much not to do anything. Try using this line when sharing the consequence, "I love you too much not to do anything."

Do we sometimes find ourselves disciplining out of anger? At a recent parenting seminar, an interesting idea was shared. The presenters believe that a big reason for the increase in child abuse is the unwillingness to delay consequences. By delaying consequences, we buy ourselves time to cool down. We also have time to determine an appropriate consequence. You can learn more about delayed consequences here.

Remember, "Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it" (Harold Hulbert).

With something to think about,

Mr. Russell

Child Safety 101

Curious, how do you keep your child safe? Physically, emotionally? Yes, I know this is a very broad question/topic, but after taking this photo of our daughter this afternoon, it got me wondering about child safety, in general.

Cheers!

About Us

By Misty Russell

This website is written by parents, for parents. My husband, Wayne, and I are the parents of a two and a half year old girl and a new born baby boy.  I am a stay-a-home mom to my beautiful and sometimes challenging children. On a daily basis I am having to come up with new and creative ways of instilling discipline in our children. There is not a day that goes by that does not challenge and remind me of the complexities of being a parent.

My husband is a Dean of Students at an international school. His role deals with character development and student discipline.  He  works with children and parents in 1st through 5th grade. He has previously worked with junior high students in an alternative school environment. We also work in the Babies Department at our church nursery.

To say the least we are around children 24/7! While we do not claim to be experts we hope we are able to help other parents navigate the troubled waters of child behavior and discipline.

See ya soon!

Jobs for Your Children

By Wayne Russell

Begin building responsibility at an early age.

Here are some ideas we use with our 3 year old (We started introducing these jobs when our daughter was two):

• Help wash dishes. Our daughter mostly plays with her hands in the bubbles. She does however give each plate a wipe or two with the soapy sponge, and then we discreetly wash it a little more.
• Put things away (especially toys).
• Empty waste baskets and help take trash out. She loves going out with Daddy to take out the trash.
• Fold clothes (small articles).
• Get dressed and put pajamas away.
• Brush hair and teeth (with help). Holly, our dentist, encourages us to assist with brushing through ages 6 through 8 in order to instill proper teeth and gum brushing techniques.  You would obviously be a little more hands off as they grow up.

Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours.

Cheers!